I Like That Boom Boom Pow

Boom Boom Pow is a new song out by the Black Eyed Peas. It is the perfect song to be the soundtrack to my yesterday. (Coincidentally it is also my niece's ring tone on her cell phone. And since she was taking me around yesterday I heard it a LOT.) It's a very catchy song and once you hear it you'll have it stuck in your head all day. I promise. I like that Boom Boom Pow . . .

Yesterday was my big day out. I had all sorts of appointments and errands and my fabulous niece was carting me around. She is so much fun to be with. Unfortunately, her wheelchair driving skills leave much to be desired. So sadly, I spend most of the day going Boom Boom Pow into various walls, doorways, and pieces of furniture.

We started the day with my MRI. She pulled right up in front of the hospital doors to drop me off. She gets the wheelchair, lovingly assists me into my seat, and then Boom Boom Pow, she wheels me right into the sliding door frame and nearly knocks me out of my chair.

We go to the registration desk and are directed to another desk to check-in. My niece is busy checking out the cute guy in the hard hat working behind the counter, and yep, Boom Boom Pow right into the desk. (He was really cute so I can't blame her there.)

I survived the rest of my appointment with just a few Boom Boom Pows. But the bigger digger in the bathroom was all me. I can't understand why the hospital bathroom off the MRI waiting room doesn't fit a wheelchair. WTF??? (Insert my WTF scrunched up face here.)

We then stopped by my store to take care of a few things and to say hello to one of my favorite people. (My store is Habitat of Ithaca, on the Downtown Ithaca Commons. It is a fabulous store filled with wonderful gifts and home furnishings. If you have never been there, you MUST come. It is so much fun. Please stop by ASAP and buy something. Yes, I know I am going a bit over-the-top with the gratuitous sales pitch here, but it has been slow, and we have just gotten in some of the cutest Spring merchandise. Please help me keep the lights on . . .sniff sniff) So, since we were only going to be a few minutes, we parked in the 15 minute loading zone. Again, my sweet niece brings my chariot right to me and gingerly helps me get situated.

Then Boom Boom Pow she rams me into the curb and again almost knocks me out of my chair. Then Boom Boom Pow into an upturned brick. Then Boom Boom Pow into the doorframe. Then Boom Boom Pow into the elevator frame.

We finally made it into the store. I was a tad bruised, but thankfully, no blood. My manager had done quite a bit of rearranging since my last visit and the store looked absolutely stunning. (Insert another gratutious sales plug for Habitat of Ithaca on the Downtown Ithaca Commons here.) We visited for a few minutes, looked at all the pretty new stuff, and headed back out for appointment #2.

My second Dr's Appointment was to have my blood pressure checked. It had been registering extremely high, so it was suggested that I follow up with my Dr. to have it looked at. (Hellooooooo, I'm in PAIN. Of course it's off the charts!)

We get to my Dr's and my lovely niece only Boom Boom Pow's me once getting in. (I think she is finally getting the hang of it.) I have a cute male nurse that is getting all my vitals.

He is clearly flirting, and I can't tell if it is for my benefit, or my nieces, but at any rate, he is laying on the charm. I explain how I am supposed to have my blood pressure checked and I also tell him that my tail bone is killing me, and I think I may have hurt it when I fell. "Do you want us to take some pictures of your butt?" he asks?

"Um, only if you give copies to my hubby. He likes that kind of thing." That shut him up for a minute.

He attempts to take my blood pressure but can't get a reading. He tries the other arm. Still no reading. Back to the first arm. No reading. "Great, now I'm dead too."

Finally the Dr. comes in and we start talking about my blood pressure. It's high, and she's concerned. She asks me if I use a lot of salt. I explain that I do not salt my food, but I use some in cooking. I tell her that I am more of a sweets eater. She doesn't buy it and puts me on some new medicine to lower my blood pressure. The problem here is that I am not supposed to drink while I am taking the medicine. Great. Take away ALL my fun.

Next I go to x-rays. My niece only Boom Boom Pow's me once on doorcase. After a series of x-rays I find out that I have a small fracture on my coccyx bone. She explains that is a bone that serves no purpose and can fracture pretty easily. Oooh, fun. She recommends that I get a Donut to help with the pain. "I wish there was a Krispy Kreme nearby," I say.

"Not THAT kind of donut. A chair donut. It's a pad that will help relieve the pressure on your tail bone. But, I'm beginning to see why you have high blood pressure" she replies.

I finally exit the Dr's with a full cache of happy pills, my new blood pressure meds, and bragging rights that now I have TWO butt cracks.

My niece and I go to Chili's to have one last drink before I start my new pills. I am in quite a bit of discomfort so I decide to take a pain pill with my El Presidente Margarita. It is at that moment that my niece spits out her drink and starts laughing uncontrolably.

I am certain that she is laughing at my choice of chaser for my percocet. However, after serveral minutes she finally blurts out, "I think I may have found the source of your salt problem."

I look up from my Margarita glass and I am suddenly aware of the rock salt mustache decorating my face. Sooooooo good.

We finish our lunch and head out to Wal-mart. This is the last stop on our list. I get the pleasure of tooling around in one of their electric shopping carts. And, I must admit, even though I am an awful driver, it is a LOT of fun.

I tool into the store and the cart is too fast for the electric doors and I ram right into them. The "welcome to Wal-Mart" guy sees this and runs over to help. Not a good call on his part because I manage to run into him as well. Oy.

I make it back to the shoe department. I need some new flip flops, since none of my shoes or sneakers will fit my swollen foot, and naturally all my flip flops are 2" platforms. Not the best with crutches.

I quickly find a pair and we head towards check out. We scoot past a group of college kids that go out of their way to smile and say "hello."

"Who are they?" my niece asks. "I have no idea." I reply. "That is the 'sorry you're a cripple' greeting."

"Oh, I get it now," she deadpans.

We make it home without any further incident. I am so happy to have my niece helping because she kindly carries in all my groceries. I scooched my way up to the top of the stairs. In my futile attempt to stand I managed to Boom Boom Pow myself and lock my knee out of joint. I was literally rolling around in pain on the floor. I couldn't get my knee to pop back in place. It took almost 15 minutes of stretching and twisting to get it back where it belonged.

Now I am sweating, sick to my stomach, and my knee is throbbing. I lay on the couch and promise myself I will never ever leave this spot.

A few minutes later my youngest son Trey enters with a huge bouquet of dandelions for me. "Mommy, I'm sorry you broke your knee. I love you sooo, sooo superdy much." So, I get my happy ending after all.