Eating me out of House and Home

I have three little boys that are capable of eating mass quantities of food. These boys can easily eat their body weight in food. When I complain to people all I get is a “you’re so lucky that they are such good eaters.” What I am looking for is an “I am so sorry that you have to mortgage the house to buy groceries.”

For some reason breakfast in our house has somehow turned into a bit of a diner experience. They basically “order” what they want. At any given point I try to be well stocked with eggs, sausage, toast, toaster strudel, hot pockets, French toast sticks, Fruity Pebbles, Frosted Mini Wheats, All-Bran with Strawberries (this is a favorite of Deuce, weird, I know), yogurt, fruit, and Fiber One Bars. I know this sounds like a lot of food, but they fly through it all in record time.

If you think I am exaggerating (as I might have a slight tendency to do), I will assure you that I am not. For breakfast this morning we went through 8 eggs, a pound of sausage links, 3 yogurt smoothies, a bowl of fruity pebbles and a half a loaf of bread. And that is just the kids. And the truly sad part is that I got two “I’m hungry”s before we even made it out the door. (I sooooooooooo wanted to cry.)

Yes, I am lucky that my kids are good eaters. They will eat just about anything, and they are always willing to try new things. But for 3 skinny little boogars, they seem to have endless stomachs. I can’t even begin to think of what they will be like as teenagers. Oy.

I posted a note on my Facebook page the other day that I couldn’t believe the mass quantities of food three boys are able to consume, and that I may have to prostitute myself for groceries. Naturally, I thought this was hysterical, and I got many responses that supported that.

However, when I mentioned this to Paco he flipped out. “This is exactly the type of thing that could come back to haunt you some day. What if a potential employer is looking at that?”

Um, well, then, they would think I am hysterical and they would hire me because they know I need the money to feed my kids.

And then Paco says “You know, if I ever do decide to run for President, it is this type of thing that will be my downfall.”

OK, so seriously?? The only thing he has ever talked about “running” for is to lose weight by “running” on the treadmill. But, this is the SECOND time we have had this sort of conversation.

Honestly, I think America would LOVE me as a First Lady. Don’t you? I can’t understand why he would think that a comment about prostituting for groceries would be construed as negative. If anything, it would make me seem more humane. I mean the fact that I am willing to do anything to feed my kids would certainly score some points with conservatives, right?

But I love that we keeping having this conversation. It gives me something to aspire to. However, it will not change the way I think, speak, or act. I am who I am, and as a possible, potential future wife of a political candidate I can only think that it would serve to better our position to have all our skeletons out in the open. Perhaps we can start a new trend in politics. Put it all out there up front and let the voters decide. Now there’s a concept, don’t you think?

In the meantime, I will continue to clip coupons and shop sales for groceries. I don’t have to resort to drastic measures yet . . .