And so are the days of my life

Yesterday was very interesting. To say the least. It was so eventful, I really don't know where to begin.

I guess I should start with yesterday morning . . .

I'm laying in bed watching the news, and Trey sneaks into bed and snuggles up under my arm. "Mommy, I love you. You're so beautiful." Awwww. What a great way to wake up. "Mommy, you have hair on your armpits. Only fat girls have hair on their armpits, right?"

I hear Paco choke on his coffee and my mother bursts out laughing. Even Deuce was laughing.

At this point I have no energy to engage so I simply say "yes honey, only fat girls have hair on their armpits." (In my defense, it was mere stubble. . .)

Naturally my mother couldn't resist and says "What about Grandma?"

"No Gramma, you don't have hair cause you're skinny."

Insert knife and turn, turn, turn.

We get around early and head out for the beach. It was a big day for me. I was finally going to set foot on the sand. Paco had made arrangements with a lifeguard to use a beach wheelchair for the day. This should be interesting, to say the least.

As we are heading down in the elevator, we stop on another floor and a lovely couple and a group of golfters get in. Trey proudly exclaims to them "my Dad always drinks beer."

Oh dear Lord. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I make my way down to the clearing and I see Paco standing next to this enormous blue and white contraption. Upon closer inspection I see that it is a beach chair made out of pvc pipe attached to ginormous inflatable tires. He really doesn't expect me to be seen in this thing, does he?

As it so happens, 2 tour bus loads of high school band members happens to be unloading at the exact same time as I make my ever-graceful transition from one wheelchair to another.

After many grunts, groans, and a 64 piece band tribute, I get settled into my fancy new ride and we head to the beach. Naturally everyone on the beach has to turn and look. It looks like I am being wheeled in on some sort of ceremonial throne. Paco naturally is doing donuts and figure eights, having a super time. I am just thankful that my miraclesuit is still holding up after all this time, and I hold on for dear life.

It was very windy at the beach, and after shivering for 2 hours, we head poolside. I get one last ride in my beach chariot. It's actually a nice ride if you don't mind looking like you belong in Smurf-land.

Poolside there is very little breeze, and it gets hot quickly. Very hot. So I get this wonderful idea that I am going to take a dip in the pool. I manage to hop and slink my way into the pool and I enjoy a very relaxing swim.

Getting out of the pool? Well, let's just say it was NOT pretty. I accidentally shifted my weight to my bad leg and I ended up falling down like a house of cards. As I lay there thrashing like a beached whale, a very sincere 90lb-80 year old man came running to offer his assistance.

Um, sir, you are very kind. But, I don't want to take you down with me.

I managed to get myself hoisted up and back into my wheelchair. Paco just happens to wander back at this exact moment. I explain to him how he is 5 minutes too late to see me flopping around like a beached whale.

He proceeds to inform me that beached whales lay motionless. That is why they are beached. They can't move. He gives my the 5 minute Discovery Channel synopsis of the life cycle of whales.

Seriously Paco, did you have to go there? Your sympathy is overwhelming.

Thankfully my mother hands me a coctail, and life seems much better for the time being.

We spend the next 5 hours poolside. After absorbing as much sun as my skin could handle, we move to the indoor pool to let the kids finish the day with a swim.

After my afternoon coctails I am again feeling brave and I decide to enter the hot tub. (Paco promised to help me get out this time.) There are three hot tubs that are connected in a semi circle. They are all empty, so I pick the one the farthest back.

I ease myself in and enjoy the warm water. Within minutes my bliss is interupted when Grizzly Adams decides to join me in the hot tub. (Did he NOT see the two EMPTY tubs????) This man was covered from head to toe in a carpet of black body hair. I'm not convinced that it wasn't a sasquatch. At any rate, all I could think of was being in a hot tub with a black shag carpet and I really needed to get out. Fast.

Paco was heading over thinking I was being attacked by a Grizzly Bear. He helped me hop out of the hot tub and back into my wheelchair.

At this exact moment a young girl with Down's Syndrome walks over to me and tells me she is sorry that I am in a wheelchair. "I bet it is really hard," she says.

I am convinced that God has a wacko sense of humor and He was warning me about my window licker post. I'm feeling very small, needless to say.

We get back into the room and I immediately head to the shower. I have this insane feeling that I am covered in bear hair and I really need to shower.

I decide to remove my miracle suit for the first time all week. It is a sad moment. But, she has earned a rest. As I take it off I notice a blue mark on the side of my left boob.

Naturally I am starting to panic thinking I have some wierd skurvy from the dude in the hot tub. But upon closer inspection I realize it is just a piece of shell from a cadbury mini egg. Wonder how long that's been in there.

I get situated in the shower. My mother has cleverly placed a plastic deck chair in there for me to sit on. However, I can't seem to get the shampoo out of my hair. So, I carefully stand up and try to turn around on my good leg while holding on to the chair.

Naturally I slip a bit on the water and start to fall backwards. My ass lands square on the faucet and gives me um, quite a jolt. Ahem.

Well, the good news is that my little fall seemed to get things moving in the pipe department. I literally ended up scaring the crap out of myself. . .

After my eventful day I am exhausted. I crawl into bed and get settled in. Trey naturally climbs in behind me and nestles up under my arm.

And he doesn't even skip a beat. He immediately notices that I have shaved my armpits.

"Mom, you don't have any hair on your armpits anymore."

"No honey, Mommy shaved." I reply.

"So, you're just a little fat, right?"

Um, right . . .