Do You Want My Autograph?

The weirdest thing happened to me today in Wegmans. First of all, I went into Wegmans to buy some Cilantro and a loaf of Italian Bread and I managed to spend over $200, but that is another story . . .

So I am in front of the Mediteranean Olive Bar when this woman walks up to me and starts talking to me.

"You are so right. The bangs ARE fabulous! They make you look 25! You don't need Botox!" says the lovely lady in her best Cheerleader voice.

"Thanks!" I say. "But, if you ever hear of a sale on Botox, please let me know."

"You are sooo funny!" she says, "You look great! How are the workouts going? How much weight have you lost?"

"Well, I think I gained 4 pounds." I say somberly. "And after I leave this store I'll probably be up another 2 pounds."

"Just don't walk in front of the bakery case," she jokes and heads toward the deli case.

The thing here is, I have never met this woman. I know my memory isn't what it used to be, but I still have some recollection of people I've met. And, I have never met this woman. Honestly, I have never seen her before. I'm panicking trying to remember how I know her? Is it through family? School? Work? A drunken binge that I have completely erased from my mind?

So, it dawned on me that people I have never met are reading my blog. And, I am totally flattered. However, if you see me in public, INTRODUCE YOURSELF! I'm a fun girl. We can be BFF's! At least give me a name or something. Or a favorite color. Something to work with. I can't have it all be one sided. I'm too nosy for that.

I run into this woman again in front of the tomotoes. So, I say, "Hey, I'm sorry if I offend you, but I really can't remember your name. I lost too many brain cells in the 90's"

After chatting for a bit longer, she tells me that we have never met, she loves my blog, everyone at her work reads it, and she said that I am not nearly as big in real life as I make my self sound in my blog. (I LOOOOOOVE you Girlfriend Carol! You are in my will!)

So, I flitted myself all around Wegmans thinking that I was pretty hot stuff. I mean, I was recognized. I may have been wearing my spandex pants that show the cellulite on the back of my thighs and a stained sweatshirt, but, hey, I was trying to go incognito, right? Just when I am thinking how hot to trot I am I managed to ram my cart right into the heel of an 80 year old man looking at tissues. Well, that brought me down to earth in a hurry. Yeah, um, sorry 'bout that. But, I'm kind of a mini-celebrity right now so you should be flattered that I ran into you. Um, NOT! (Another nod to the nineties there in case you missed it.)

I am a crazed wife and mother. I don't think of myself as anything special. I probably shouldn't even have children as I am not what one might consider a role model. I just have the talent to put my crazed thoughts and experiences into words to share with others. And, thankfully, many of you are in the same boat as me so I never have to paddle alone.

The only thing I ask is that you all introduce yourself if you see me. (I mean if I don't already know you.) I love your comments and feedback. It's what keeps me going. And share your stories! That makes it even better. I can't thank you all enough for the love and encouragement. We Girlfriends are all in this TOGETHER!!!

Oh, and if you ever run into my hubby, be sure to call him Paco and make some smart comment about him finally coming out of the closet . . .