Lent

As a Catholic, I am currently involved in the season of Lent. This is the time of year when we are supposed to participate in prayer, fasting, and self-denial to commemorate the 40 days of temptation that Jesus spent in the desert before his death and resurrection. So, what that boils down to is basically not eating any meat on fridays and for me, giving up chocolate.

I said, GIVING UP CHOCOLATE. Ok, now do you get it? For me, that is HUGE! (Normally I give up something easy like sex, but as we all know, that is seriously out of the question this year.)

This morning, I was giving my niece a ride to work and she handed me a delicious looking brownie smothered with frosting. I politely declined (well, I think I said, "You thoughtless, God-less heathen, don't you know I gave up chocolate for Lent?" or something like that.) She looked at me a bit frightened and said, "Aren't you worried that you are going to be an even bigger Bitch than normal????? I mean, we NEED chocolate."

She totally gets me.

I figured if anything was going to help fat girl shed a few pounds, it would be by eliminating chocolate from the diet. And, boy, was I right. Now, all I have left to eat in the house is brown rice and strawberry slim-fast. I should be a size 2 by next wednesday.

However, I may be doing the whole fasting thing a bit wrong. I really wanted to start the Holy Season off right this year, so I tried to be very symbolic with my food choices on Ash Wednesday. I drank only red wine ("blood of Christ") and ate only bread ("body of Christ.")

My Mom had to pop my bubble by telling me that 3 loaves of italian bread smeared with olive oil and butter and 2 bottles of wine was really overdoing the whole sacred ritual thing. She proceeded to tell me "now Jenny darling, you have been drinking too much wine lately. I understand that a glass of red wine does have some healthy benefits, but, sweet pea, I have seen your recycle bin, and I am quite certain you are overdoing it a bit. Just because you refer to it as the "blood of Christ" really doesn't make it holy and it certianly isn't okay to drink by the gallon."

You know, I always like to think if you are going to do something, you should really give it your all.

Anyway, I wanted you all to be aware that for the next 40 days I may be a bit edgy. Anyone coming near me with brownies, hershey kisses, or the faint smell of cadbury mini eggs should fear for their lives. According to my estimates, I should pull through this Holy Season a good 40 pounds lighter. Pray for me . . . no really, pray for me . . .