Ode to Otis

My dog Otis is naughty. Very naughty. If it weren’t for the fact that he is so friggen’ cute, I’m quite sure I would have given him away by now. (Actually I’ve tried to give him away but no one will take him.) He is a black and white Lhasa Apso, and we have had him for a year and a half. So, he should really know better by now. But, he doesn’t . . .

I put a lot of research into getting another dog. After much thought and careful consideration, I decided on a Lhaso-poo, or a Lhasa Apso/Poodle mix. They were small, kid-friendly, non-shedding, and non-yippy dogs. And he could travel with us. Perfect. I looked for months, and never saw one listed. Ever. Apparently they are very hard to come by. But, one day, my Mom came across an ad for a Lhasa Apso. There was only 1 puppy in the litter, and he was ready to go. So, we decided to take a look.

It was love at first sight. He was the cutest black and white ball of fluff I had ever seen. His fur was so soft and silky, and he was perfectly snuggly. Wow, the perfect puppy. A pure Lhasa couldn’t be that much different from the mixed breed, right?

WRONG.

I can’t tell if Otis is a stupid dog, or if he is such a smart dog that he knows how to just act stupid. For instance, if he does something naughty, oh say like knock over the outside trash can and rip through 2 weeks of garbage and spread it all over the deck, well, the minute you see him, he hangs his head, tucks his tail, and acts like he has done something very, very bad. (And he has the best puppy dog eyes.) If you start to walk towards him, he very slowly rolls over on his back. And, if you yell at him, he pees all over himself. (Like that isn’t just making it worse.)

Otis also likes to run off at the most inconvenient times. Like this morning, when I was loading up the kids for school, he decides to break loose and head for the neighbors. And, he KNOWS this is bad. And I know he knows because he started out slow like he was walking out to his pee tree, and then he looked back at me, looked down at the neighbors, looked back at me, and then bolted off like a bottle rocket. So then I had to trounce through 200 yards of 14’ snow drifts in subzero temperatures to get him back. As I get closer to him, he stops, slinks low to the ground, and hangs his head. I walk up to grab him, and he rolls over and pees himself. Nice way to start the morning.

Otis also has a very bad chewing habit. He likes to chew anything and everything. His favorite snack is $7 Star Wars figures with the occasional $12 Power Ranger for dessert. He has a whole bin of his own toys, but he much prefers the more expensive kind that he actually has to get off the shelves. Out of desperation I bought a book on Lhasa Apsos and how to train them, but I am not kidding you when I say he chewed that too. He has chewed cookbooks, magazines, newspapers, and some of Anthony’s homework. Yes, really, the dog did eat his homework Mrs. Teacher.

And if that alone doesn’t make him a naughty dog, it gets even worse. He thinks that Rick’s 70” TV is his personal pee post. If we leave him alone longer than he likes, he will raise his leg and pee all over Rick’s big screen. And, if he’s in the mood, he’ll also leave a nice, steamy pile of pooh right in front of it too. A double delight! He has peed so much in the same spot that it has actually absorbed into the wood and started to buckle at the seams. Nice, eh?

We tried leaving him in the bathroom while we were gone. But, he chewed through all the molding around the door, ate a hole in the sheetrock, and scratched a hole in the wood door. Seriously, he is a very naughty dog.

Oh, and he gets car sick too. I have a huge pile of dog vomit that is forever imbedded in the carpet in my van. I’ve tried and tried, but it’s still there. Dried chunks and all.
He’s a humper too. We haven’t had his kibbles’n-bits snipped yet, so he uses every opportunity he can to let pinky come out and play. He will hump any stray dog, child, or stuffed animal that crosses his path. And he likes to lick himself too. But, I won’t go into detail there.

And he snores. LOUD. Like louder than Rick. I thought it was a practical joke at first. But, I can assure you since he sleeps on my side of the bed, that it is NOT a joke. Apparently, dogs can have deviated septums too. Who knew?

Oh, and if you haven’t heard enough, I’ll tell you about the time he ran away and we had to PAY to get him back. It was this fall, and as I was taking Otis out to pee, he ran off. You know, the usual. Normally he comes back after 15 or 20 minutes, but this time he didn’t come back. So, I got in the car and went driving to look for him, and still no Otis. When Rick got home, he too went out and looked for him. No luck. We called the SPCA and left our information, and then we started making posters. Naturally, the boys were heartbroken at the thought of their precious Otis being away from the house for the night. We had to tuck three teary –eyed kids into bed that night.

The next afternoon, we got a call from the SPCA. Otis had been found about a mile and a half away. The homeowners called the SPCA because apparently Otis was trying to hump their male basset hound, and it didn’t go over to well. And, we have to make the 30 minute drive up to the SPCA to get him. If it’s not bad enough that my dog had to spend the night in the clink, the SPCA made us pay $15 to get him back. Oy.

So, why do we still have our naughty, gay dog? ‘Cause he is cute. Too friggen cute for his own good. For all the times he’s naughty, he’s equally adorable. He really is the cutest dog I have ever seen. He has an under-bite that makes him look really adorable. And, he thinks he is ferocious. If another dog comes in our yard, he will run right up and start barking and acting tough. Like he can take ‘em. It’s really quite funny to watch because usually the other dogs backs away thinking they don’t want to mess with the crazy dog.

And every time Otis comes in the living room, he will grab a toy out of his bin and play with it.

He loves to snuggle too. He will curl up by your feet, and lay contentedly for hours.

He may not be perfect, but he’s OURS. And imperfect seems to fit us quite nicely.