A Happy Marriage

Warning: This post is not for the prissy, prude, or weak of stomach. If you do not have a dirty sense of humor, then please do not read any further.

OK, so you are still reading. You have been fairly warned.

First, I have to admit that I never made it to the gym yesterday. Even though I was wearing my spandex finest, I never made it. However, since my thighs are still aching from my ballet squats at the tanning parlor, I am totally counting that as a workout. So technically I am off the hook.

I want to tell you all the my dear dog Otis has not had any "accidents" in the house since my last post about him. Perhaps he is finally catching on. Whatever it may be, I am thrilled and Rick's TV is finally losing the urine smell.

However Otis is not without his flaws. He is still a humper. We haven't had the chance to get him fixed yet, so he still tries to mount any poor pooch that enters our yard. And, he particularly LOVES the leg of one of my Girlfriend's son. (I think he can smell their German Shepard and he goes absolutely nuts. I feel bad for the poor kid because he is probably scarred for life. He doesn't even want to come over any more.) Otis' snippage is on my to-do list.

We have a large chaise that sits in front of a big picture window. And Otis loves to jump up and sort of sit on my shoulder and look out the window. It's really quite cute, and the kids call him Otis the Parrot. (And I may make stupid pirate sounds.) The only problem with this is that his canine cohones always seem to end up stuck to my neck or right in my face.

Naturally Paco thinks this is hysterical, so any time someone sits in the chaise he will call the dog up. I however get truly grodied out and I usually end up whizzing Otis right at Paco's head. (OK, so I don't really throw the dog . . . it's more like a gentle love toss. Ahem, sure.)

So the other night Otis jumps up on the couch and lays at my feet. He is laying with his butt facing me, and naturally his kibbles-n-bits are staring me right in the face. Otis is not a big dog. So, his cohones stick out quite prominently. I think they might even wave a flag that says "hello, here I am, look at me!" It certainly seems that way.

Well his big orbs were there . . . in my face. Seriously, I couldn't escape them. They were like everywhere. It was like when you know you don't want to look, but you can't help looking every few seconds. Very disturbing.

They are pink with black-ish speckles. (or hair, who knows, I certainly don't look that closely.) So, me, thinking that I am quite possibly the funniest person ever, make the comment to my dear hubby Paco that the round knobs protruding from Otis's hind quarters look like speckled Candy Easter Eggs.

And Paco says "No, honey, that is the money you could be saving with Geico."

So I totally laughed myself 'till I peed. And that friends is why I am still blissfully happy (90% of the time) after 12 1/2 years of marriage.