Scarred for Life

I had the most horrifying incident during my last water therapy session, and I fear I am scarred for life.

I should have known that my session would end badly when I entered the locker room and saw Hairy-etta doing yoga buck naked. Um, hello there. I fully expected a brontosaurus to coming running out from behind her "bush". I'm pretty sure I heard some growling. But, seriously . . . couldn't you wait until you get home??? Or at least put some clothes on???? She had her hands together over her head and she was doing some sort of lunge. I am just so thankful that I wasn't sitting behind her.

Naturally, I duck into the bathroom stall to change into my miraclesuit. Within a few minutes I emerge and head towards the pool. I glance over my shoulder on my way out just in time to see Hairy-ette bend over to do some more stretching. Nice. Thanks so much for that. I really needed to see your inner organs. Um, thanks.

I gimp into the pool and begin my session. I feel like such a pro now that I kinda know what I am doing. I was in the process of doing my side-walking when my new pal Morty entered the pool. Wow, how do I explain my new pal Morty? He is probably in his late 80's, he's very tan, with white bushy eyebrows, bright blue eyes, and a VERY bad toupee. Which - he - wears - into - the - pool. And naturally, I couldn't take my eyes off his hairpiece the entire time. I was just waiting for it to fall off, or twist around. I was completely mesmerized. My trainer Jeff had to yell at me twice to get to work. It was that bad. I just wanted to take him aside and say, "hey Mort, your eyesight is pretty bad, but your hairpiece is far worse. Um, you're not fooling anyone. It's time. It's time." Instead, I just stared at him for the majority of my therapy wondering how in the heck it was staying on.

I finished my therapy in record time and headed back to the locker room for a shower. The shower area has several private stalls, but I still wear my swimsuit in. (I need to rinse off the chlorine you see. I'm not that much of a prude.) As I crutched towards the last available stall, my crutch slipped on the wet tile and I fell down like a house of cards. And, because the tiles were so wet, I did a 40 mph slip and slide until I rammed into the shower door.

I wanted to sit there for a few seconds to catch my breath, but a bevy of women ran over to help me. AND THEY WERE NAKED!!! I really appreciate the help and all, but they weren't a pretty naked. It was actually a bit scary. I had two naked women trying to hoist me and my miraclesuit up off the floor. In the process one of the women's tubie-boobies wacked me on my ear. (And I heard it say "please get me a miraclesuit.") I was trying to avoid the other lady as much as possible because she had an Amazon Bush and I wasn't sure what might try to jump out at me. (Clearly the disposable razors I left on the grooming counter were not a big enough hint.)

I finally got on my feet again and thanked the nice ladies with the tubie-boobies and the afro-muffs for helping me. Then I carefully crutched into the shower and let the water drown out my tears.