The End of A Miracle

People who assume water therapy is calm and serene have never attended one of my sessions. I have an amazing ability to stir things up and create a small amount of havoc.

Naturally, my last session was not without some drama.

Part of my therapy involves holding a small beachball between my knees and pedalling like I am riding a bike. I have to do this for 5 minutes. Naturally, I am completely bored after a minute or two. So, to spice things up a bit, I started doing some fancy Synchronized Swimming arm movements while I biked.

Just as I was starting to think that I was of Olympic caliber, my ball escaped from between my knees and rocketed up and out of the water. And, um, just happened to hit the lady next to me on the side of her head and knock her glasses off. (But seriously, WHO wears glasses in the pool??? Isn't that weird?) So, that quickly ended my water dancing.

However, as I was waving my arms in the air, Jed happened to notice that the underwire popped through the fabric on my Miraclesuit. I kinda freaked and screamed "WHAT THE FFFFFF??" to Jed. "This is the most money I've ever spent on a swimsuit and I've only had it 2 months!!!!"

I could see the look of relief on Jed's face as he realized that I wasn't yelling at him for gawking at my girlies. (My girls look FABULOUS in the pool by the way. They float ever so perfectly and look better than any 20 year-olds. Sadly, the effect is lost the minute I leave the water.)

Naturally, I spent the next 5 minutes trying to fix my suit and get the wire tucked back into the fabric. This process involved me rubbing my hand under my girl to move the wire over, as well as me lifting and tucking my girlie so that I could see what I was doing. (I was completely covered at all times. Promise)

I was so intent on fixing my suit that I failed to notice that Jed, Ed, and Fred were all watching me with great interest. I happened to glance up and Fred was in a near catatonic state, while Ed looked like he just won the Lotto.

Ooops, perhaps I should have waited until I got back to the Locker Room. Then I could've put on my show for Hairy-ette and Muffy.

I had no idea of the er, "effect" that my little girlie show could possibly have until it was time for the class to end, and um, Jed couldn't get out of the water. He needed a "few more minutes to relax in the water."

Sorry 'bout that pal. It's good to know that not every male needs the little blue pills in the golden years.

Naturally I am DEVASTATED at the loss of my beloved Miraclesuit. However, after 14 frantic phone calls to Travelsmith, I will now be the owner of a NEW Miraclesuit.

And I will do my best to avoid anymore Girly shows in the future.