I am attempting a new fitness regimen. I should correct that and say A fitness regimen, since I didn't really have one before. (Does shopping count???) And since I have absolutely no shame, I shall share all the gory details . . .
I've started out very simple with brisk walks on the treadmill. But, It hasn't been without drama. I have learned three very important lessons about the treadmill. #1 being that the emergency cut-off cord is there for a reason, and you should really use it. #2 - if you turn around to yell at your kids while walking on the treadmill, you are very likely to fall off in a very non-graceful way. (And if you fail to use the emergency shut-off cord, the treadmill will continue to run and burn your skin right off.) And, #3, a fat girl should NOT wear cotton pants on the treadmill.
To elaborate more on the third most important rule of the treadmill, I will explain that after 30 minutes of brisk walking on the treadmill in my totally-cute chocolate brown cotton yoga pants, I actually created so much friction between my thighs that my pants pilled and two small holes were burnt onto the inside of each thigh. Honestly, I thought I was going to catch my pants on fire. Now I really understand the meaning behind "feel the burn." I guess my fire-starting capabilities could come in very handy in an emergency. Perhaps I should join the girl-scouts. To solve this problem, I dediced to invest in the very glamorous spandex work-out pants all the fitness queens wear. One major problem though . . . since the world only thinks that skinny chicks are worthy of cute work out wear, I was only able to find the spandex pants in size XL. But, since, they are stretchy, I figured I could make them work.
I have since renamed the spandex pants my "sausage suit." Use your best imagery and picture my fat ass stuffed into a tight, black sausage skin, and well, you get the picture. NOT PRETTY. But, it did solve the friction problem, and hopefully I won't be starting any fires in the near future.
On the plus side, I bought myself some rockin' new Nikes so my footwear is completely stylin'. . .
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Its all about the shoes anyways right!? And at least they match!!! HA HA!! I think you could of saved some money, just put your underwear on, and crisco between your legs, that way you can cook some baccon after u work out! ;)
ReplyDeleteThe pants are WAY better than the Jane Fonda-esque leotard with a BELT (to keep it in place; those leotards have been known to fall down a lot), legwarmers and feathered hair. So, I think that you are on your way with cute workout wear....
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