Amost Famous

For approximately 26 hours this weekend, I thought I was going to the Grammy's. You know, the big music award show with the big red carpet and all the fabulous musicians. Yes, Me, There. Or, so I thought . . .

My dear favorite niece Heather (who is more like my little sister for those of you who don't see us constantly together) actually won tickets for 2 people to go to the Grammy's on a local radio station. She even won airfare and hotel accommodations. Naturally, I was the first person she called screaming to tell me the awesome news, and when she came over to my house later in the morning, we jumped up and down screaming while she yelled "we're going to the grammy's!!!!!!" Then she backed my car into a snowbank and got it stuck, but hey, how friggen excited was I????????? I kinda thought she might take me since A: We are superclose, and she asked me to be her maid of honor B: I used to live and work in LA and I totally know my way around C: I would look awesome walking down the red carpet D: I would totally max out my visa and pay for everything.

However, there had to be some DRAH-MA. My sister-in-law (Heather's Mom) decided that she wanted to go to. (she thinks the black eyed peas are a vegetable - so you get the picture.) Somehow, what should have been an awesome and exciting time for my niece turned into a nightmarish decision of playing favorites. Me - the superfun aunt with the high-limit credit card, or her Mom - the-wouldn't-know-Justin-Timberlake-if-he-was-dry-humping-her-leg-country-music-fan. (I really don't want to be mean because I totally used to love my sister-in-law, but I'm feeling slightly bitter and homicidal at the moment.) So, it turned into this competition of who is more deserving and who makes more sense, and anyone and everyone was offering their opinions and before long, Heather was bawling her eyes out saying she wished she'd never won.

In my defense, I sent her an email stating that I was busy that day and couldn't go. I mean, this is SUPPOSED to be FUN!!! A once-in-a-lifetime trip. But secretly, every fiber in my body was screaming "pick me, pick me!"

Well, naturally Heather had to go all Switzerland, and she decided to take her friend from high school, Amanda. (How much hatin' do you think I have for Amanda right now?) I can totally understand her decision and I wish her tons and tons of fun.

The problem here is that in the 26 hours that I thought I was going I managed to A: order $400 worth of new clothes that I must now return because they are not PTA appropriate B: Spent $40 to download every grammy song to my ipod so that I could be well prepared (who knew the Eagles were still makin' music?) and C: I got a fabulous red-carpet worthy new hair-do that includes drastic highlights and BANGS!!

Now what am I supposed to do with these things? The last time I had bangs was in the 9th grade when I used to take extra strength aqua net and blow-dry "wings" off the side of my head. I feel so out of place. I look like a cross between lady ga-ga and cher. Don't get me wrong, the new do is super glamorous and fun. But, i constantly feel like a pack of spiders is sprinting across my forehead and I can't quite get used to it.

One of my dear girlfriends feels my pain so she is hosting an I-hate-the-grammy's party for me. I am going to get all dressed up in an old bridesmaid dress (so what if I can't zip it, that's what duct tape is made in colors for!) and I will get to wear my fabulous hair do and walk the seagrass area carpet through her front door. (She did tell me to bring a paintbrush because she picked out her living room paint, but still, its all about me, me, me.) So, I will be having a fun evening after all. Justin Timberlake will just have to be patient and wait for me.

Truly I do wish heather tons of fun and a fabulously wonderful good time. However, I wish Amanda an in-grown toenail and a big zit on the end of her nose, but, hey, I'm still bitter.

Oh, and on a side note, it has been brought to my attention by several people in the know that it was NOT my fault that the Cowboys lost this year as my husband has so frequently accused me. Jessica Simpson jinxed the team early on and anything I contributed was moot at that point. So, technically, I am off the hook.