Happy Pills

About 8 weeks ago I had a Dr's appointment. It was supposed to be a "well" visit. But, after having to get on the scale to have my weight checked, my blood pressure registered 152 over 101. And, I guess that's not good because they made me sit in the office for another half an hour so they could check it again. (I had explained that it was so high because I was shocked at my weight. But I don't think they bought it.) So, after resting for awhile, it came down to 149 over 90. Which, still didn't make my Dr. very happy.

Anyway, I convinced the Dr. that I really think it is stress more than anything. (A house, 3 kids, a business . . . .hellooooo???!) So, she suggested that I try some anti-anxiety pills for a while. I kindly explained to her that when she put me on Lexapro after my father died, I thought I looked like a supermodel and was so happy to spend money that I maxed out my credit card buying craft supplies. So, I was very hesitant to go that route. But, she suggested a combination of a daily happy pill, and a different happy pill (Xanax, how FUN!!) that I take when I get really stressed. (OK, so 2 daily happy pills??)

So, I have been taking these happy pills for about 8 weeks. And, I can say they are working because I'm a lot less stabby, and I haven't hurt any of the kids. However, they have made me really, um, well, um amorous. (In other words, I am hornier than a bag full of Rhinos.) Seriously, I just can't get it enough. My husband thought this was great . . . at first. Now he mumbles things like "stalker", "stop violating me", "nympho", and "hotline" or something like that.

What he fails to realize is that after 12 years of marriage and 3 children, he is the FRIGGEN LUCKIEST MAN ON THE PLANET to be dealing with such a problem. All he has to do is walk in the room and I am instantly turned on. The sight of him in his ripped boxer briefs and stained college t-shirt actually makes me swoon. When he came home from basketball the other night and saw the candles and heard the mood music, I think he actually started crying and screamed "AGAIN???????"

I guess you can call this a healthy dose of my own medicine. I mean, we have always had a very healthy relationship in that way. (We have 3 lovely "accidents" as proof.) But, I have been guilty of few "not tonight," "I have a headache," "I'm too tired," and "If you touch me again I'll stab you." So, now I can totally relate, and I will make an honest effort going forward to be more mindful of his feelings in this area. (Yeah, right.)

So, I was sharing this story with some of my Girlfriends, and naturally, they all have appointments to see their Dr's for the same pills. (Not that any of us need help in this area, but, a positive mental well being is so good for everyone. And hubby's that get it more frequently are so much less cranky.)

One Girlfriend has a sister that is a pharmacist, so she called to get the dirt on my miracle happy pills. Honest to god, the warnings for my pills are "causes weight gain and decreased sex drive." Ok, so I can blame the pills for my fat fanny (even if it was technically fat before the pills), but the decreased sex drive?? HUH???? Am I a freak or something? (I will know soon enough because 2 Girlfriends just got their scripts filled.)

To take my mind off of my need for luvin', I read. A LOT. Like a book a day. (To my credit, I am a fast reader.) I will read anything and everything that someone gives me. And, I will re-read it if I don't have another book handy. It is because of my sudden reading obsession that I was introduced to the Twilight series. And can I just say . . .


I love Edward Cullen. I mean, I pink puffy heart LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Edward Cullen.

For those of you have haven't read Twilight, it is a tweenie book about vampires. But not the blood sucking scary vampires. Yummy, good-looking, school-boy vampires. And, if you haven't read it, go out and buy it and read it otherwise you will never, ever get my obsession with Edward Cullen. And, currently, I am obsessed. Don't we all need a good-looking vampire in our lives?

I'm so crazed, I even went to see the movie. I haven't been to the movies since Titanic, so needless to say it was a big deal. I didn't catch on to the Twilight craze until after the movie had been out for a while, so my niece and I had to drive an hour away to an ancient theatre to watch the movie. The theatre barely held 40 people, but the tickets were only $3. The only bad part was that the seats were so narrow, that neither me nor Heather could fit our fat behinds in them, and we weren't able to move for the entire movie. Seriously, we both got stuck in the seats. (We also had to wait until everyone left before we could get up because we weren't sure if the chairs were coming with us or not.) But, the boy playing Edward Cullen in the movie was so yummy, that it was completely worth hip bruising and numb feet.

This week I am reading a bunch of books by Jen Lancaster, which a Girlfriend let me borrow. She is so snarky and bitter that I am sure we are long lost soul sisters. However, she doesn't have children, so she might not get me. I was reading "Bright Lights, Big Ass" last night, and there is a part in the book where she calls Rachel Ray "Tittie McHighBeams." And, I am STILL laughing about it. I actually snorted. I thought I was the only one who found Rachel Ray to be highly annoying. But, to my surprise, there are others out there. (Titty McHighBeams. . .hee, hee, hee, hee, hee)

So, the moral of my blog today is that ya'll better start sending me some books or I might be in jail for spousal abuse. . .