Dicks and Wicks

I recently attending a home-shopping party entitled "Dicks and Wicks." It was a joint party consisting of Party-lite Candles and Pure Romance products. (Um, I was only there for the candles.)

It was my first time ever attending a Pure Romance party and I wasn't quite sure what to expect. But, I was going with a fun crew of ladies so I knew it would be a good time.

We tried the lotions and perfumes, we put nipple cream on our lips with man-part shaped applicators, and we played games.

The first game we played was the Alphabet Game. It is a game where the letters of the alphabet are randomly mixed up on cards that the hostess will read out loud. The first person to yell out a romantic or sexy word starting with the letter will get the card. The person with the most cards at the end wins a prize.

The first letter was L and naturally someone yells "love." The next letter was T and someone yelled "touch." Then R. "Romance." And so on. We were 3/4's through the alphabet and I hadn't called out a single word. It wasn't until the letter Q that I was able to contribute.

There is only one word that starts with Q that is of a sexual nature, and it is not sexy. So, naturally, that is the word that comes LOUDLY flying out of my mouth. Of course the room was completely quiet. Everyone looked at me. The older ladies in the crowd look confused. The younger ladies gasped and a few giggled. One woman asked "what does that mean?" and thankfully the hostess called out another letter before I had to answer.

I slunk down in my chair and stayed quiet for the rest of the game. However, I did manage to leave with a large bag filled with, er, candles.

Somehow this story managed to become a topic of conversation during our Thanksgiving dinner. What is more traditional that sitting around the table as a family discussing Sex Toy parties and naughty Q words? (Thankfully the children were at the "kids table" in the next room.)

My mother sat at the head of the table with a quizzical look on her face. You could just tell she was racking her brain thinking of naughty Q words. Finally after several minutes, she couldn't take it anymore and insisted that I tell her the Q word.

I tried to quietly whisper the word to her. After all, it was Thanksgiving and I really didn't need to holler "Q#*%@" across the holiday table.

She still looked at me like a deer in headlights. "Is that even a word?" she says.

My brother practically choked and I thought my cousin was going to blow turkey out her nose.

"You don't know what Q#*%@ means?????"

Great. Naturally we had to explain this to my mother. So between second helpings of mashed potatoes and green beans we all managed to enlighten my mother to the meaning of the naughty Q word. I also managed to tease her that I bought her Christmas present at the party and it is called "Mr. Dependable." (I think she fainted for a few seconds after she called me a "huss-bag.")

I can only hope that Christmas dinner brings as much excitement.