Tweet Tweet, Tweetle leet.
I have lost my obsession with Facebook. I am now on to Twitter. I tweet.
Twitter is like a lazy Facebook. It is a site that gives you 140 characters to let people know what you are up to. It's like a status update play by play.
But, you can follow anyone. I follow some of my friends as well as people like Tina Fey, CNN Breaking News, David Letterman, P. Diddy and Chewbacca. It's really quite fun. You get a brief glimpse into their lives. I have certain updates sent right to my cell phone, so I get a daily play by play of what people are up to. And you can reply back and get instant feedback. It's really quite fun.
I find that I am much more honest on Twitter. On Facebook, I have tend to be more subdued since some of my friends are colleagues and students of my husband. But on Twitter, I find that anything goes.
I find that it is a way for me to sort of mini-blog about what is going on in my day. My Twitter name is JPwiczer. If I haven't blogged for a while, then check me out on Twitter and you will know what I have been up to.
I will share with you some of my recent tweets:
jpwiczer 23 days until Disney & three boys with strep. . .
jpwiczer thinks light up shoes are just weird.
jpwiczer is fascinated that the couple sitting across from me named their daughter Sparkle.
jpwiczer Sparkle is NOT happy.
jpwiczer wishing I was British so I could get away with saying things like "lit-ull" and "snog."
jpwiczer meeting with the Priest about the boys First Communion. Let's hope it doesn't end in a shouting match like last time.
jpwiczer escaped my meeting with no yelling. But I did pilfer a Reader's Digest. Hell for sure.
jpwiczer has killed two more houseplants. Apparently aquaglobes only work if you actually refill them.
That should give you a bit of insight into my life in the last few days. However, I will now share with you my latest tweet, which happens to be one of the best.
jpwiczer my mom stopped by and saw me tweeting and asked why I would want to "twat." I almost passed out from laughing so hard.
Happy "twatting" ya'll!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
My Inner Hooker
Today I had a meeting with the Priest at our church. Both Ace and Deuce were being interviewed to see if they are ready to take their First Communion. I was a bit nervous, to say the least.
The last time I met with this Priest, well, it didn't go so well. There was yelling, screaming, and accusations of being a "bad Catholic" in addition to accusations of being a "Priest who is as welcoming as gonorrhea." Yes, we all know that I will likely end up in hell (even though I regularly ask for forgiveness.) But, having a yelling match with the leader of our church is a surefire way to get the express train. (In my defense, this Priest was forced to take anger management classes. So, naturally, it wasn't all my fault.) However, I am probably one of the few people willing to take on a Priest in full on bout of mud-slinging. (And I'm not afraid to take on football coaches either, but I'll explain that in another post.)
My husband felt it best to accompany me today. All four of us entered the rectory and announced that we were here for our First Communion interviews. Sister Whitehair kindly looked at her schedule and then quickly looked right up at me and said "Oh, you are the so-and-so family. Yes, we have been expecting you." So, um, clearly she was aware of my last, um, meeting.
I promised my husband I would be on my best behavior. I dressed nicely, had the boys looking their best, and I even took a Xanax so I would lose my stabby rage that sometimes gets the best of me.
What I didn't expect was that my supercute front-closing bra would unhook itself the minute we stepped inside his office. Yes folks, only I could have my Girls Go Wild while I am trying to be on my best behavior for our PRIEST. And since my girls are such a prominent feature, the fact that they were on the loose is not something I could easily hide. While we were sitting, I was able to do the arm cross maneuver. But, when we had to get up to leave and shake hands, well, it wasn't pretty.
I tried to keep one arm across my chest while shaking hands with the other arm. However, this maneuver actually made me push my girlies right up into my neck. It was like they were caged animals trying to escape. Not the impression I was trying to make.
We shook hands, and I sighed in relief, thinking I was now in the clear. And that is when I noticed my crutches leaning by the door. Yes, braless Jen had to CRUTCH her way out of the Priest's office with her loosey goosies blowing in the wind. (The term "Shake-elies" as my son refers to them was extremely appropriate here.)
I will leave the rest to your imagination. The good news? The boys were both accepted as candidates for their First Communion. The bad news? I will now resort to duct tape for any future church meetings.
The last time I met with this Priest, well, it didn't go so well. There was yelling, screaming, and accusations of being a "bad Catholic" in addition to accusations of being a "Priest who is as welcoming as gonorrhea." Yes, we all know that I will likely end up in hell (even though I regularly ask for forgiveness.) But, having a yelling match with the leader of our church is a surefire way to get the express train. (In my defense, this Priest was forced to take anger management classes. So, naturally, it wasn't all my fault.) However, I am probably one of the few people willing to take on a Priest in full on bout of mud-slinging. (And I'm not afraid to take on football coaches either, but I'll explain that in another post.)
My husband felt it best to accompany me today. All four of us entered the rectory and announced that we were here for our First Communion interviews. Sister Whitehair kindly looked at her schedule and then quickly looked right up at me and said "Oh, you are the so-and-so family. Yes, we have been expecting you." So, um, clearly she was aware of my last, um, meeting.
I promised my husband I would be on my best behavior. I dressed nicely, had the boys looking their best, and I even took a Xanax so I would lose my stabby rage that sometimes gets the best of me.
What I didn't expect was that my supercute front-closing bra would unhook itself the minute we stepped inside his office. Yes folks, only I could have my Girls Go Wild while I am trying to be on my best behavior for our PRIEST. And since my girls are such a prominent feature, the fact that they were on the loose is not something I could easily hide. While we were sitting, I was able to do the arm cross maneuver. But, when we had to get up to leave and shake hands, well, it wasn't pretty.
I tried to keep one arm across my chest while shaking hands with the other arm. However, this maneuver actually made me push my girlies right up into my neck. It was like they were caged animals trying to escape. Not the impression I was trying to make.
We shook hands, and I sighed in relief, thinking I was now in the clear. And that is when I noticed my crutches leaning by the door. Yes, braless Jen had to CRUTCH her way out of the Priest's office with her loosey goosies blowing in the wind. (The term "Shake-elies" as my son refers to them was extremely appropriate here.)
I will leave the rest to your imagination. The good news? The boys were both accepted as candidates for their First Communion. The bad news? I will now resort to duct tape for any future church meetings.
Dream Analysis
I haven't had much sleep lately. But, what little I manage to get is interrupted by some VERY STRANGE dreams. I don't know quite what to make of them. So, I will share a few of them with you and ask for your intelligent insight. Clearly, I am sleep deprived.
In my first dream, I am shopping at Wegmans. Wegmans is very dimly lit, and I am having a hard time seeing. I am in a major hurry, and I am having a hard time shopping because they have moved everything around. My cart is heaping with all the stuff that I normally never buy (too expensive). Loaves of fresh bread, baked goods, fresh prepared meals, and gourmet goodies are literally heaped into the cart.
As I park the cart and start making salads from the dark salad bar, somebody from Wegmans takes my cart and restocks EVERYTHING. So, I'm in a hurry and now I have nothing.
I try to complain and they send me to a stinky wooden room all the way in the back of the store with a teenage girl with 200 facial piercings. She basically tells me that it's too bad and there is nothing they can do. I am SCREAMING. I am so mad.
I leave the store vowing never to shop there again and it's pouring outside.
Thoughts??? Anyone????
In my second dream I am living in a castle. I am a princess. (Go figure, right?) The castle is a big square, and I spend most of the day just running around the corridors. However, I have lots of secret hiding places.
I have a secret crush on a prince who also lives in the castle. (No, we are not related.) The prince is 18, and he has the lead in the castle play.
I am madly in love with this prince, and I am certain that we will be married someday.
As I am hiding in one of my secret hiding spots one day, I overhear that another Jennifer has gotten the lead femail role in the the castle play. A role that I really wanted. (Because they kiss at the end. Naturally.) I am devasted, and I go see my father the King. He kindly tells me that I am only 16, and you have to be 17 to be in the play. He rubs my head, gives me a kiss, and sends me on my way.
I decide to runaway. I use one of my secret passage ways to try to escape out of the castle. As I am running through the hidden passage, I run right into my secret crush, the prince. He wonders what I am doing in there. I try to pretend that I am just running around. He is really flirting with me, and I can tell that he really likes me. We hear footsteps so we quickly leave the passageway and go our seperate ways.
My father has put me in charge of helping with the play, and I am in the dressing room helping the other Jennifer get ready. She is pudgy, with red hair, and she is really mean to me. She knows that I like the prince, so she is really gloating. She tells me that they are promised to be married to each other.
Naturally I am crushed.
Sadly, I was awaken by a 4 year old that told me he needed to sleep in my bed because he had a bad dream and he needed to make my bed warm and snuggly. So, I have no idea where this dream was going.
Dream number 3 (my personal fave)
I am at my mom's house and I am hanging out with Tom Hanks. We are having a wonderful conversation.
I have to go to the bathroom and so Tom comes in with me so we can keep talking.
He sits on the crapper and proceeds to drop a twosie.
I really have to pee so I pull out a drawer on the vanity and pee in the drawer. I proceed to pee on all my mom's make-up, while still talking to Tom Hanks who is pooping on her toilet. Mind you, the bathroom is small and we are so close our knees are touching.
Analyze that.
In my first dream, I am shopping at Wegmans. Wegmans is very dimly lit, and I am having a hard time seeing. I am in a major hurry, and I am having a hard time shopping because they have moved everything around. My cart is heaping with all the stuff that I normally never buy (too expensive). Loaves of fresh bread, baked goods, fresh prepared meals, and gourmet goodies are literally heaped into the cart.
As I park the cart and start making salads from the dark salad bar, somebody from Wegmans takes my cart and restocks EVERYTHING. So, I'm in a hurry and now I have nothing.
I try to complain and they send me to a stinky wooden room all the way in the back of the store with a teenage girl with 200 facial piercings. She basically tells me that it's too bad and there is nothing they can do. I am SCREAMING. I am so mad.
I leave the store vowing never to shop there again and it's pouring outside.
Thoughts??? Anyone????
In my second dream I am living in a castle. I am a princess. (Go figure, right?) The castle is a big square, and I spend most of the day just running around the corridors. However, I have lots of secret hiding places.
I have a secret crush on a prince who also lives in the castle. (No, we are not related.) The prince is 18, and he has the lead in the castle play.
I am madly in love with this prince, and I am certain that we will be married someday.
As I am hiding in one of my secret hiding spots one day, I overhear that another Jennifer has gotten the lead femail role in the the castle play. A role that I really wanted. (Because they kiss at the end. Naturally.) I am devasted, and I go see my father the King. He kindly tells me that I am only 16, and you have to be 17 to be in the play. He rubs my head, gives me a kiss, and sends me on my way.
I decide to runaway. I use one of my secret passage ways to try to escape out of the castle. As I am running through the hidden passage, I run right into my secret crush, the prince. He wonders what I am doing in there. I try to pretend that I am just running around. He is really flirting with me, and I can tell that he really likes me. We hear footsteps so we quickly leave the passageway and go our seperate ways.
My father has put me in charge of helping with the play, and I am in the dressing room helping the other Jennifer get ready. She is pudgy, with red hair, and she is really mean to me. She knows that I like the prince, so she is really gloating. She tells me that they are promised to be married to each other.
Naturally I am crushed.
Sadly, I was awaken by a 4 year old that told me he needed to sleep in my bed because he had a bad dream and he needed to make my bed warm and snuggly. So, I have no idea where this dream was going.
Dream number 3 (my personal fave)
I am at my mom's house and I am hanging out with Tom Hanks. We are having a wonderful conversation.
I have to go to the bathroom and so Tom comes in with me so we can keep talking.
He sits on the crapper and proceeds to drop a twosie.
I really have to pee so I pull out a drawer on the vanity and pee in the drawer. I proceed to pee on all my mom's make-up, while still talking to Tom Hanks who is pooping on her toilet. Mind you, the bathroom is small and we are so close our knees are touching.
Analyze that.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Just When You Think It's Safe
The official start of summer wouldn't be complete without a vomit story.
Wednesday night, the night of the LAST day of school, my son Ace walks out of his room around 11 pm gagging.
"Someone threw up in my bed! (gag, choke, gag)"
"Well, looking at the chunks on your jammies pal, my guess is that it was you."
"It wasn't me. (gag, gag, choke, gag) I was sleeping."
So, now I have a sleep-puker in addition to a talk-puker. Good times.
Thankfully Paco stripped the sheets and got him settled down. (This knee thing comes in very handy at times!)
What a way to start off the summer . . .
Wednesday night, the night of the LAST day of school, my son Ace walks out of his room around 11 pm gagging.
"Someone threw up in my bed! (gag, choke, gag)"
"Well, looking at the chunks on your jammies pal, my guess is that it was you."
"It wasn't me. (gag, gag, choke, gag) I was sleeping."
So, now I have a sleep-puker in addition to a talk-puker. Good times.
Thankfully Paco stripped the sheets and got him settled down. (This knee thing comes in very handy at times!)
What a way to start off the summer . . .
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